Coping with Guilt
Grief is complex.
Missing the physical presence of our animal companions is wretched enough. Accompanying the heartache are grief’s inevitable (and normal) counterparts: guilt and regret. No matter the circumstance, our minds barrage us with various accusations — that we didn’t spend enough time with our animal, that we should have realized the seriousness or cause of their illness. Or we question if the chosen treatment was too extensive or not enough.
We feel guilty that could’t afford the treatment to help them, that we weren’t assertive enough with a veterinarian in their recommendations, that we weren’t with the animal when they died.
Whether the death was natural or euthanasia, was it the right choice? And, if euthanasia, was it too soon or too late? Did they suffer needlessly? Even in our grief we can feel guilty that the animal’s death has unburdened us from exhaustive caretaking.
If an animal’s death is caused by an unintentional human error or accident, we can feel unworthy of forgiveness or unable to forgive.
Our defenselessness against death makes us feel that there must have been something that we could’ve, should’ve, would’ve done differently. We feel we let our animals down.
Guilt is crucial in regulating our conscience and morality. But we don’t need the burden of its pelting assault. How do we begin to develop resiliency against this self-flagellation?
Accept that guilt is a normal and unavoidable aspect of grief that can lessen.
Find a safe space to talk about the circumstance of your animal’s death to assist in unburdening your heart.
Express your feelings through journaling, artwork, music, or body movement.
Guilt is about expectation. Assess how realistic your expectations were in the situation.
Ask yourself, “How could I have known?”
An acronym for shame is, “Should Have Already Mastered Everything.” No one is perfect!
Remember that it is never, ever too late to apologize to an animal that you feel you’ve let down or harmed.
Ponder what you can do differently next time and if you’ve learned from the experience.
Be open to allowing self compassion and forgiveness.
"Let go of the battle. Breathe quietly and let it be. Let your body relax and your heart soften. Open to whatever you experience without fighting.” — Jack Kornfield